Tuesday, August 18, 2009

End of Summer

I'm declaring this Wednesday night the start of the end of summer, aka, the start of fall. This is because 1, Andrew started school on Monday indicating the start of the fall school semester; 2, my last day of training is on Wednesday; and 3, we're going to see Kooza on Wed night, which will be a great way to end the summer :)

On another note - not pertaining to the end of summer - I'm beginning to believe that there will never be a time in my life when I'm totally emotionally fine talking about Jason's death. Yesterday at work, 2 of my coworkers and myself were taking our lunch break together and talking about our lives. One of the girls asked how my brother was doing, and my stomach immediately flip-flopped. I knew the question could come up, since I was talking about him, and I thought I'd be fine. But that nervous sad feeling took over my gut. Of course outwardly I seemed fine, but on the inside I was all tied up. I always thought this would change with time. It's almost been 8 years now and it's still no different. That's ok though, I'm just finally realizing it may never change. I miss Jason every day and sometimes still feel angry and confused over his death, but I am positive he's with God laughing, dancing, singing, and enjoying all the heights he wants, without being scared.

3 comments:

Annie said...

i love you.
thanks for sharing your feelings. you definitely aren't alone and i think you're fine. 8 years is a long time to go without someone you love, and it makes sense that it still hurts. while its nothing like what you're feeling, i still get emotional about him too.
*hugs!*

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